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| Me, in Turkey, 11-2012 |
anyway, i haven't written in a while because i've been doing my eBay thing, supervising (hah) a refurbishment of the pestilential swimming pool and, most lately, helping a friend who found her 62 year old brother dead. the death was unexpected although he suffered from several long term illnesses: sarcoidosis and morbid obesity; he was also recently diagnosed with diabetes and was insulin dependent.
my friend went to his house because he hadn't responded to phone calls and discovered him in bed with his cpap going strong. in our county you have to dial 911 before a Medical Examiner's Investigator will get involved, so despite the fact that he was cold to the touch and (probably) in full rigor, Fire and Sheriff came. after they determined that he was deceased she was able to talk to the Medical Examiner's Invest and then call a mortuary. the old rules here were that if a decedent was under a doctor's care and had been seen within 30 days of the death, no autopsy was necessary and the doc would sign the death cert. if no private physician can be located or is willing to sign the cert, the medical examiner will sign. in any event, from personal experience, (probably) no autopsy is going to be done unless there is something really unusual about the death/circumstances or there is a suspicion that a crime has been committed.
let me say that she and i are both retired deputy sheriffs and we have had a lot of experience over the years with this kind of 'call'. regardless of how much experience you have had, this kind of event is very difficult. when i retired i took a part time job with a mortuary to try to earn enough quarters on my own to qualify for medicare, so i have had even more experience in the death industry.
there are lots of issues surrounding sudden and unexpected death which are of note (not necessarily in order of importance): brother was several hundred pounds overweight so Fire had to use a special board which then had to go to the mortuary; brother was a tech professional (retired) and had every tech toy times two, and had repeated a phrase to his sister several times which he told her was the 'key' to his passwords. this key has proven to be a failure. brother had Quicken Will 2011 box on his shelf which was empty and, since we can't discover his passwords, we can't look at icloud and haven't been able to find a will on his hard drive. even if we could find a will, unless it has been signed and witnessed (in the case of a printed document) OR completely handwritten by the decedent (a holographic testament), the will would be a guideline for my friend, not a legally binding document (and keep in mind that i'm not an attorney, just a person who has been through this a couple of times: father and husband).
so this is what we've been doing this week: my friend, another retired deputy friend and i have been looking at EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF PAPER IN EVERY SINGLE FILE IN THE HOUSE. and i can tell you that he had every receipt and every advertising insert ever sent to him since birth (that is an exaggeration but that's what it seems like). unfortunately, in the old days our social security numbers were included on our pay stubs, bank statements, etc., and i've been involved in two many identity theft cases, as have my two retired friends, to allow anything to go in the trash with a number on it. so, we have a shred bag, a trash bag and a 'you have to read this' box.
fortunately for my friend, she and her brother had discussions about the disposition of the remains of their mother several years ago which included agreement about their own wishes, so she knew he wanted to be cremated and that no service was desired. unfortunately, he did not execute a 'preneed' contract with a cremation service, so when she asked, i made the only recommendation i could, the mortuary i used for my deceased loved ones. i know that their prices are reasonable and that there won't be any high pressure sales but one of the greatest gifts you can give your survivors is to have a preneed contract which encompasses your wishes and is COMPLETELY PAID. the mortuaries use insurance companies so even if the mortuary is no longer in business when the time comes, your contract is honored by someone else. in California, that contract is overseen by several governmental agencies.
be aware that if you have to make arrangements for an obese person, there are surcharges because of the decedent's size. this is not discrimination but strictly business: it takes more people to move the remains, a bigger casket or cremation container, and in some cases, a bigger plot at the cemetery.
i'm just about finished with my depressing instructions but here's something else that has put a burr under my saddle: brother wanted to leave cash to his 20 something nephew and teenaged niece. if you want to leave a bequest to a kid (and i'd say anyone under 30, for that matter), please think long and hard about it. also listen to Suze Orman. one of my step-children received $10k from his grandpa about 40 years ago, when he was in his 20's and promptly invested it in scientology 'training'. i call it a cheap lesson because he left the program with no ill effects (apparently), but that's just my opinion.
on a brighter note (finally) i'm starting to get ready for a Rhine/Main riverboat trip starting on 28 May. i'm going with another travel buddy, Elle, and i'm really looking forward to it. i'll be shooting another 2 or 3000 photos on that cruise.
i'm also starting some sewing projects and may put some of that up. ordered some great black and white toile from www.fabric.com for valences for my kitchen but have to make a mock-up with some muslin before i cut the good stuff.
found a recipe online for bananas foster which is one of my husband's favs, so made a 'dutch baby' for his breakfast and topped it with the banana concoction. fortunately i don't heart bananas so i was immune. he's going to use the left over sauce for ice cream, he tells me, but i suspect that he'll drink it or just pour it in a bowl and eat it with a spoon. (he's not overweight, btw)
i'm going to call it quits for the time being. beautiful day and the weeds are calling to me.
